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New Year’s resolutions? Bring in 2015 with these funny quotes

New Year's resolutions, 2015, funny quotes 

Bring in 2015 with a smile on your face with these New Year funnies…

“You know it’s time for a New Year’s resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, “One at a time, please.”
Jo Brand

“Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
Mark Twain


Jay Leno, New Year's resolutions, 2015, funny quotes
Jay Leno

“New Year’s Eve, when auld acquaintances be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.”
Jay Leno

“I’m planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2015.”

“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
Billy Vaughn

“If you make a New Year’s resolution to eat a healthy diet, and you keep it, you won’t actually live longer, but it will seem longer.”
Greg Tamblyn

“Good resolutions are simply cheques that men draw from a bank where they have no account.”
Oscar Wilde

“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

“Women get a little more excited about New Year’s Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.”
Jay Leno

“Every New Year’s I celebrate making it through another holiday season without killing my relatives.”
Melanie White