We all hope our teenagers develop strong friendships and feel connected to the world around them. But if theyโre spending a lot of time alone, itโs natural to wonder if this is okay. Here, the team from Bupa provides tips on understanding loneliness in teens and talking through the issues.
Understanding the cause
We often think about loneliness affecting mostly older people, but a 2018 survey called The Loneliness Experiment suggests it affects young people much more โ teens, in particular.
Children and young people are growing up in a different world to us. Screen-based activities and the online world have a huge influence over how they interact with others and experience life. There are lots of positives to this, but when young people compare themselves to others online, it can lead to feelings of isolation.
Other circumstances can cause loneliness and isolation, too, including:
- feeling misunderstood or not โfitting inโ;
- sports and academic ability โ not being picked for a team, for example;
- being bullied;
- living with a long-term condition or disability, including a mental health issue; and
- moving schools or relocating
Tips for dealing with loneliness in teens
If youโre worried about your teenagerโs behaviour and theyโre finding it difficult to open up, it might be time to have a gentle conversation with them. Try the following tips.
#1 Take the lead
Show your child that they can lean on you for support and talk to you. While some kids will come to you with their problems, others might not, so it may be up to you to give them the nudge they need to open up.
#2 Keep your cool
It can be distressing hearing your child is struggling or unhappy. But itโs important that you try to stay calm in the face of what they tell you.
#3 Set up a safe space
Think about a time and place where youโll be able to have a conversation without being interrupted, and in a place thatโs comfortable for your child. It might be on a walk or at home when no one else is there. Evening mightnโt be the best time of day if you and your child are tired.
#4 Try conversation starters
Starting the conversation can be difficult. There might be an opportunity to bring it into a conversation naturally โ for example, if youโre watching TV together and something relevant comes up as a starting point. Or, if it feels right, let your child know directly that youโd like to talk to them about something and take it from there.
#5 Take a break
Itโs not always easy to know how a conversation might go. If your child is defensive or unreceptive, leave it there for now but return to it again in a few daysโ time. You might find that your child comes to you after theyโve had a bit of time and feel ready to talk.
#6 Be a listener
Remember that a conversation is a two-way thing. Listening to your teen is important. Give them time to answer as they might be nervous about opening up. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Explain that feeling lonely isnโt about how many friends youโve got โ itโs not a measure of popularity; itโs a feeling and there are ways to feel less lonely.
#7 Show your support
There might not be a straightforward way or answer to help your child. So be sure to let them know they can trust you and that youโre always there for them. You can ask your child if thereโs something you can do that will help them.
This article was brought to you by Bupa Global.
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Disclaimer: This article was designed and produced by Bupa Global by searching internal and external data and information for information provision and reference purposes only. Any views or information mentioned in this article/webpage are based on general situations. Readers shouldnโt regard them as medical advice or recommendations. Before making any decisions about the theme of this article, you are recommended to seek independent advice from suitable professionals (doctors, nutritionists, etc.). It is clearly stated that Bupa Global will not bear any responsibilities for othersโ usage or interpretation of the information listed in this article. When preparing and/or updating this article, Bupa Global endeavours to ensure that the content is accurate, complete and updated but will not bear any responsibilities nor make any warranty or guarantee for the accuracy, completeness and timeliness of the information or for any claims and/or losses caused thereby.
Read more useful tips in our Kids section:
Fun ways to be active with your kids
How to deal with food allergies in kids
Expat guide to international schools in Hong Kong
This article first appeared in the Spring 2020 issue of Expat Living magazine. Subscribe now so you never miss an issue.
