Struggling for repartee with your kids? We’ve got you covered with our ultimate guide to Dad jokes they’re going to love! (Well, mostly.)
Some classic Dad jokes
To start things off โ and before we get into some strategies โ here’s a handful of the typical jokes that you can expect to hear from a Dad at some point during his parenting phase, whether he’s driving his kids around town, waiting for a movie to start at the cinema or reheating leftover food in the microwave:
โ What do you call a bee who canโt make up his mind?
โ A maybe.
โ Doctor: โSir, Iโm afraid your DNA is backwards.โ
โ Me: โAnd?
โ A slice of apple pie will cost you $2 in Jamaica, $3 in the Bahamas and $1.50 in Trinidad. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
โ What do you call a hippie’s wife?
โ Mississippi
โ Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Theyโre all comedy gold, right? But this kind of elevated humorous banter doesnโt come easily. No; like all art forms, it takes lots of skill, training and application. If youโre struggling to get a laugh out of your little ones, these tips might help.
Top tips for telling jokes to kids
- Donโt worry if youโre not overly comfortable with the Q&A style of approach to joke telling โ i.e., this kind of thing: โWhatโs the best part about living in Switzerland?โ โI donโt know, but the flag is a big plus.โ Most Dad jokes donโt involve a question and a punchline. Quotes from movies are a great source of funnies. In fact, I would estimate that around 60 percent of my hilarious sayings come from just three movies from the 1980s: Airplane! (or Flying High as it was called in Australia), Ferris Buellerโs Day Off and Fletch. Thatโs why if someone says, โSurely you canโt be serious?โ Iโm always ready with the reply: โI am serious, and donโt call me Shirley!โ
- TV shows are fair game, too โ The Simpsons, in particular. It never gets old repeating Ralph Wiggumโs immortal line โMe fail English? Thatโs un-possible!โ to the kids. (It can, however, get a little awkward when one of them does actually fail English.) Another good one for when the family is trying to drag you out of the house to the shops is Homerโs classic line: โWhatโs the point of going out? Weโre just going to wind up back here anyway.โ
- Your Dad jokes donโt all have to come from comedy films and shows. For example, whenever your child reaches into a kitchen cupboard to get a cup, you can replicate the โchalice sceneโ from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and say, โYou have chosen … wisely.โ
- Youโll know youโve cracked it as a Dad joke teller when you secretly hear Mum trying to repeat your jokes to the kids in the kitchen. (A word to the wives and mothers on this: itโs actually inappropriate to make a Dad joke if youโre not a dad. This is known as a faux pa.)
Some final advice
- ย If your kids complain about having to go to bed early at night, tell them they are guilty of resisting a rest.
- Donโt tell any jokes about chemistry โ they wonโt get a reaction.
- Whenever the clock says 2.30, donโt forget to mention that this is the time when you should be going to the dentist.
- When a child says, โDid you get a haircut?โ be sure to reply, โNo, I got all of them cut.โ
Lastly, if youโre sensing some โpush backโ from your kids to your jokes, forge ahead regardless. Itโs for the betterment of society. You can even turn their complaints into a whole new joke, like this:
Daughter: โIโm tired of your stupid jokes.โ
Dad: โHi, tired-of-your-stupid-jokes, Iโm Dad!โ
Or this:
Daughter: โDad, you havenโt listened to a word Iโve said, have you!?โ
Dad: โThatโs a strange way to start a conversation with me.โ
My two girls arenโt teenagers quite yet, but Iโm really looking forward to the time when they are. Things can only get funnier, right? I mean, Iโll still be telling the same gags (Dad jokes are like wine; they just get better over time), but theyโll have a more mature sense of humour and a bigger, more established group of friends who I can loudly try my jokes out on. Theyโre going to love it.
Like this? See more great content in our Kids section:
7 ways for Dad’s to bond with newborns
How to support your child with homework